Have you ever been at a meeting where you propose an idea and no one seems to notice you?\u00a0 Then ten minutes later, someone else offers the same notion, and it\u2019s picked up by the whole group.\u00a0 I hear this scenario often in the work that I do with professional women, followed by the question, \u201cHow do I get my voice on the table?\u201d<\/p>\n
Body language is a critical part of getting your message heard.\u00a0 Women have been socialized to take up as little space as possible: crossed legs, collapsed spine, small gestures.\u00a0 If you take up more space, both in your body language and your gestures, you will have more presence at the table.\u00a0 Just as an actor experiments with the way a character stands, moves, and gestures, you can create the shape of confidence in your body.\u00a0 If you do, the inner feeling of confidence will flow into that shape, and the people at the meeting will respond positively to your physical being.<\/p>\n
To find your most useful seated posture, push your chair back from the table and bring your sitz-bones to its edge.\u00a0 Uncross your legs and plant your feet firmly on the floor.\u00a0 This will bring a sense of energy into and through the soles of your feet.\u00a0 Lengthen your spine from the tailbone to the base of the skull.\u00a0 Let your shoulders drop and widen and your chest be open and free.\u00a0 Place your forearms on the table in a position wider than your shoulders.\u00a0 Rest your open hands, palms down, on the table. Breathe deeply into your rib cage, and open your face with a smile.\u00a0 Let your eyes sparkle with positive connective energy.<\/p>\n
If you are seated in this way, you will have more breath for your voice.\u00a0 You can then find more resonance and ease in your speaking.\u00a0 But vocal clarity is more than how your voice sounds.\u00a0 It\u2019s important to articulate your words, so that you are easily understood.\u00a0 When your lips, jaw and tongue move freely and precisely, your speaking will become dynamic. Your colleagues will listen to what you have to say.<\/p>\n
Several other language habits keep women from being heard. (I have written about the traps of uptalk in earlier posts.)\u00a0 We must shorten our sentences, so that our points are concise, and then land them with a strong downward inflection.\u00a0 In addition, when we use qualifying words to soften a message, it only serves to weaken our interventions.\u00a0 \u201cI think maybe perhaps it might be a good idea if we might possibly\u2026\u201d are typically gendered word choices.\u00a0 See what happens if you change that to, \u201cHere\u2019s a new way of approaching this\u2026,\u201d or \u201cLet\u2019s try this\u2026,\u201d or \u201cI observe that we are\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n
Whether you in a small meeting or at a large conference, the ability to land your personal energy on each individual in the room will automatically make your speaking more engaging. The individuals in the room will feel that you are actually talking to them.\u00a0 Your contribution to the meeting will become about your active connection to your listeners.<\/p>\n
Remember this simple maxim: there is no meeting at the meeting.\u00a0 Have you ever watched the U.S. government at work on C-SPAN?\u00a0 No one is in attendance.\u00a0 Every decision has made before, or will be made after, the official meeting.\u00a0 When you have an important concept to present at a meeting, take this to heart.<\/p>\n
Find out what the agenda is for every meeting you attend.\u00a0 How many times do we go to a meeting only to discover that an important issue is to be discussed that day?\u00a0 We haven\u2019t had any time to prepare, so the best we can do is influence decisions on the fly.\u00a0 With time, you can do the following three things.<\/p>\n
First, assess your alliances.\u00a0 Who will be with you on your issue?\u00a0 Our allies aren\u2019t necessarily our close friends, or even people we like, but the ones who agree with us on a particular point.\u00a0 You must make no assumptions about their participation in the meeting.\u00a0 Instead, prior to a big meeting, get together individually with each person who might support you.\u00a0 Elicit an agreement about how and when they will contribute to the issue, so you know they will back you up.\u00a0 If the topic shifts, your ally can be the one who draws attention back to you and your idea.<\/p>\n
Second, when you get to the meeting, sit right next to the person who might give you the most trouble.\u00a0 This isn\u2019t an easy thing to do, but when you sit across from someone who disagrees with you, your differences are exacerbated by the physical barrier between you.\u00a0 When you are literally on the same side of the table, you can connect personally in a new way.\u00a0 You might even have a conversation.<\/p>\n
Third, triangulate your allies.\u00a0 Typically, we sit next to the people who agree with us.\u00a0 We create a phalanx of like-mindedness, thinking that it will give us more power.\u00a0 Usually, our group is across the table from the other group.\u00a0 Break this up by asking your allies to sit in various places around the table, which also splits up the opposition group.\u00a0 You can then include both allies and opponents in a discussion across lines.<\/p>\n
With your allies in place to support you, your voice clear and strong, and your body language open and powerful, you should be heard the first time you present an idea.\u00a0 But sometimes, your timing might be too soon.\u00a0 Your proposal may need to percolate in the group before it\u2019s picked up again.\u00a0 Sometimes the issue is gender.\u00a0 Sadly, in some organizations, the idea might need to come from a man to be heard.\u00a0\u00a0 Or it could be the problem of rank.\u00a0 Someone higher up in the hierarchy might need to state your idea for it to gain traction.<\/p>\n
If any one of these is the case, or you have no ally to back you up, you might need to claim credit for originating the thought.\u00a0 Don\u2019t remain silent, stewing the in the injustice of it all.\u00a0 Your mind may be thinking, \u201cHey, wait a minute.\u00a0 Didn\u2019t I just say that half an hour ago? What am I? Invisible?\u201d\u00a0 Instead, take a big breath and use language like the following:<\/p>\n
It\u2019s great that the group (or individual) has picked up my idea again.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been thinking a lot about how to make this work.\u00a0 Here is my plan for\u2026. <\/em><\/p>\n Thanks, (name the person), for reiterating my point.\u00a0 I hope we can make a decision on this soon.<\/em><\/p>\n I notice that we\u2019ve been avoiding this issue for the past twenty minutes.\u00a0 My interpretation is that it\u2019s a hot topic. Here\u2019s more about what I originally suggested\u2026.<\/em><\/p>\n Do whatever it takes to get your voice on the table.\u00a0 Practice your new physical presence.\u00a0 Rehearse your language.\u00a0 Create a strategic network of support.\u00a0 Don\u2019t let your fear, louder voices in the room, or debilitating cultural norms silence you.\u00a0 Your ideas are important.\u00a0 Your contributions are necessary.\u00a0 Your voice must be heard.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Have you ever been at a meeting where you propose an idea and no one seems to notice you?\u00a0 Then ten minutes later, someone else offers the same notion, and it\u2019s picked up by the whole group.\u00a0 I hear this scenario often in the work that I do with professional women, followed by the question, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/nancyhoufek.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/299"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/nancyhoufek.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/nancyhoufek.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/nancyhoufek.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/nancyhoufek.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=299"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/nancyhoufek.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/299\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":303,"href":"http:\/\/nancyhoufek.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/299\/revisions\/303"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/nancyhoufek.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=299"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/nancyhoufek.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=299"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/nancyhoufek.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=299"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}